i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
