dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
why do cheetos always look like penises
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
