Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
