My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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