nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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