All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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