sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
