Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
