Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
