I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
