Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
