Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude i'm inner monologue high
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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