He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize