Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize