Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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