yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
