hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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