So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize