Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
