Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
