shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish there were birth control emojis
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
