I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
