Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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