There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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