so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
