I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
