Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
