She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
