Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
