you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That accounts for only three of the penises
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
