I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
