Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
