I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
