I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
