Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
