i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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