i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
