i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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