that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
