I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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