i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
