thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
