But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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