I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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