Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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