It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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