I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
