wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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