Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
