I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
