I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize