Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
