i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Randomize
