I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize