Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
