i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
