"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
