when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
