You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You took a bar mat shot.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
