Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
