dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
