When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
