can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
