Whod you bang
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
