This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize