one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
