areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
