What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
