it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
worst night to have a conscience
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
