did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
