Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
