this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
