he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
