so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
